Hello chatterseeds!! I hope that you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. My Thanksgiving was alright, it involved a little family contention of course but then again, whose doesn’t? I had the entire week off of school and work besides a shift on Friday. It was great! However, I got sick at the beginning and also didn’t know what to do with all of the free time. I hung out with my family mostly at their house since they live pretty close to my apartment near campus. Now, my relationship with my family is many worlds of complicated so any extended period of time, especially when holidays are around, is bound to bring some conflict. Although, this year was much less contentious than years past so yay for that!
Something that has been hard for me for a long time but especially this week with all the free time, is loneliness. Now let’s get one thing straight, being alone and being lonely are two different things. I used to think they were the same and that I hated both, but I actually do not mind being alone as much as I used to. It gives me time to think which can sometimes be dangerous. Anyways, loneliness. Truthfully, I do not have much of a social life. I don’t have very many friends and I lack enough confidence to go out and do lots of things by myself and be happy about it. Now I don’t tell you this so you can pity me, I want the opposite of that. This is very cheesy because everyone says that everyone feels lonely sometimes and blah blah blah. While that may be true, it doesn’t need to invalidate the feeling that yeah, I wish I was doing something with someone and the truth that yeah, I don’t have very many friends. And you know what guys? That’s okay!
This year I have had a lot of personal growth in the feelings and emotions department. I have a lot of mental health struggles, (that maybe I’ll share eventually but for right now will leave it broad), that make regulating my emotions REALLY hard. All of my emotions tend to be extreme no matter how big or small the situation is and that is hard to manage sometimes. But I have a fantastic team that has supported me and helped me to grow so that I can handle my emotions better. So now when I have these dreadful feelings of loneliness, I allow myself to feel them because 1. they are totally valid and 2. if I don’t, then they will just build up and explode later. The trick is, not letting those feelings consume me. I’ve gotten great at feeling my feels and then accepting the reality and moving on with an optimistic outlook. Of course this doesn’t work every single time but hey, I’m still learning, just like all of us.
Anyways, I hope you all had a great holiday and didn’t feel too lonely. And if you did, that’s okay too. We all have feelings and holidays are tough. So buckle up and get ready for the biggest holiday of the year coming in just 24 days. And good luck to those who have finals the next two weeks, we can do it.
Love you all and thanks for reading! </3