Have any of you ever just gotten so overwhelmed from thinking about your future that you shut down and withdraw from life? That is what is happening to me right now. The school semester is almost over for me and once it is, I will only have one year left. And I do not love that. It has me thinking about finding an internship, working to provide for myself all summer, saving up to be able to live after I graduate, graduating itself, finding a job after graduation, etc. I am just at that point in my life where things are constantly changing and feel as though they are jumping on me sooner than I am ready for. It’s hard. And I’m tired. My depression is creeping back in on me for another wave and that’s hard to. But, the only way to get through it is to keep on a routine and push against it. Sometimes it’s okay to have a day or two where you can’t/don’t want to find it. Just as long as you don’t let it consume you. That’s where I struggle.
So, I am making myself write this week’s post, even if I don’t feel like I really have much to say. I might be a bit of a downer in this, but that’s just life. Sometimes you just have down days. I think part of what is contributing to my depressive wave rising, is that I have just been feeling so incredibly lonely lately. It’s hard! Being in college, having a job, taking care of yourself, it’s hard to be social and make good friends. And dating is even harder. I haven’t had many opportunities to try and date while out in the world, so dating apps is where I have been. And let me tell you, that is not the vibe. It messes with self esteem. So, I’m taking a brief pause from that as I finish out the semester. Maybe something new will come this summer and I’ll get back on it but for now, I’m tired and need to pass my classes happily.
Another thing that makes life hard sometimes is social media. For example, I don’t think anyone actually reads this blog. And that’s okay, but it does sting a little when I think about it. And Instagram? I love keeping up with my friends but lately, I’ve spent way more time doom scrolling than actually catching up with and following along with people’s lives and I’m thinking I might take a hiatus. However, to put this blog out there, I need to use Instagram to gain exposure. So maybe I need to download it once a week to post blog things? Or just mute notifications and practice self-control? I don’t know chatterseeds. It’s tough right now.
Even though I’m feeling down right now, I know that it is only temporary and that I will feel better again soon. I hope that y’all are doing well and that if you aren’t, you know that you aren’t alone and that it won’t last forever. You guys are great. </3